One Hundred Pennies

By law if 49% of a dollar bill is still in tact, it's still legal tender.

Exit Seventeen
$2.90 toll.

I hide the decrepit dollar under an in tact bill in order to trick the foolish government worker.
She was smarter than I anticipated.
"I cant take this" She yelled as she wiggled the handicapped dollar at my window in protest.

"Why not?" I continue to tell her the percentage rule. "I got it from a toll booth woman, and you're a toll booth woman, so take it"

"I'm sorry ma'm, I can't take that"
Since when was I a 50 year old woman?

"Fine" Grumpily, I miraculously find four quarters in the depths of my empty passengers seat.
Deciding that this woman has succsessfully ruined my drive, I yell "HERE!" and throw the quarters at her face and proceed to drive off.

Sure maybe it was rude, but hell lady; just take my god damned dollar.

Fast foward our lives to three weeks later:

I haven't eaten a thing all god damned day.
My classroom is sweating and so am I.
I pour fourty-five thousand dollars into a college and they can't even regulate temperature. Go figure.

I only have two bucks in my pocket; one of which is the deformity.

After my bagel is gloriously toasted and cream cheesed, I hand the cashier my two dollars.

"Um, I can not take this" comes the expected reply in broken english.
I spew my line about "the law" and "percentages"

"No, we can not take this"
Thank you government. You haven't helped me yet. At least you are consistent.

"Guess what lady? Youre going to take it, or give me this bagel for free because I have no other money in my pockets" Great. 10:26 and the arguing over nothing has begun. What a day.

"No no no"

"If a vending machine can take it, so can you" I grab my brown paper bag and stand there offering her the chance to actually take my money. She hands it back. Astonished, I leave. WITH the bagel.

This dollar is a bad habit.
This dollar is a starving dog.
This dollar is everything you grew up hating.

Money is a ridiculous concept.
Lets go back to trading pelts and chocolate.